Over the weekend, I realized how deeply I miss feeling like I know what I’m doing with God; I miss having beliefs that I feel strongly about; and I miss having a story that I know how it ends.
Let me tell you that when I naively decided that I wanted more of God, I did not know how hard this would be. I didn’t know that wanting more of God would cause me to question so many of my beliefs and that I would essentially end up kind of like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz—a little lost, afraid and wanting to go back home.
There are so many critics of the Emergent Movement. Right now I can't really blame them—even I think this journey seems pretty irresponsible and too dangerous. What if I never find my way back? What if I never end up on solid ground again with real beliefs? What if I never have a way to live my life again that makes sense in the context of faith and the Kingdom of God and loving Jesus?
But Dorothy meets guides along the way, right? The personifications of wisdom, courage and heart. And after her ordeal of facing her worst fears, she does get back home. It is the same home, but better because she has changed. She is home and it is exactly where she wants to be.
Is that what I hope for--that I can somehow get back home? To be honest, because of this journey, nothing will ever be the same again.
And yet as I end this post, I realize I am exactly where I want to be.